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Very Slackers Christmas Story
EXT. SNOWY FOREST
We start with a snowman walking through a forest.
There was a time, long ago well, maybe not that long ago. There was a time, not too long ago, when Christmas was almost ruined. And it wasn't by some unnatural force, it wasn't by a horrible snowstorm and it wasn't someone with miser in his name. But, let's not get too ahead of ourselves, here. It all started out on a cold December night, the night before Christmas.
EXT. PETE AND JOHNNY'S HOUSE
A small house, the bottom floor's lights are on and there are decorations outside, splayed about very shoddily. Inside, Pete is watching TV and Johnny is shaking one of his presents. Janney walks from the kitchen and up the steps.
INT. PETE AND JOHNNY'S HOUSE
G'night, everybody. See you bright and early tomorrow.
PETE AND JOHNNY
(To Johnny) Put that present down. You only have to wait ten more hours before you can open it.
Johnny sets the present down and flops down from his knees
Teenage TaoismGiving birth is the closest I’d ever felt to dying.
Before that, my near death experiences had consisted only of my silent announcement of pregnancy—silent, being that my social media accounts were all deleted almost simultaneously and I never returned to school in the fall, saying without really saying that I had caught the malicious disease of “teenage pregnancy”. I’m sure the whisper spread in the hallways like the Bubonic Plague. That September, sitting at home on what would have been the first day of my senior year, I imagined friends I’d never talk to again saying “she was only seventeen, and so full of life!” at my absence in the cafeteria tables, as if they were attending my funeral instead of talking about me behind my back.
"Full of life," I had snorted then, folding a never ending stream of what had once been my own baby clothes. "Literally."
I walked around like a zombie for the months of my pregnancy, deciding t
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